I recently finished reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler

The title of her book immediately drew me in, because “everything happens for a reason” is a theology my parents taught me growing up. It’s like saying, “God is in control, and everything will work out how it’s supposed to.” If I didn’t get a part in a play, or something else I really wanted, there was some explanation for it. Most of the time, of course, no one could give me a precise answer—but I could trust there was some rationalization that fit.

I’ve always appreciated discovering a new author or an amazing, fascinating, or thought-provoking book through reading recommendations from others, which is why you’ll find occasional posts about some of my favorites.

Bowler connects “everything happens for a reason” to the prosperity gospel, which is a branch of Christianity that promises a solution and a cure for tragedy. Those with the “right” kind of faith will be given their heart’s desires by God: wealth, health and happiness. In other words, #blessed. The prosperity gospel is yet another way humans have attempted to answer the question “Why?” or “Why me?” Somehow, it’s all part of God’s plan.

In her mid-30s, with a successful career, happy marriage, and a new baby, Bowler’s life falls apart when she is diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. Forced to examine the prosperity gospel in a new way, Bowler’s book recounts her reckoning with her own mortality as she navigates through treatment and questions without answers.

When The New York Times publishes her essay about death and the prosperity gospel, hundreds of strangers write to provide Bowler with various explanations for her cancer: the consequence for her sin; the ultimate test of faith; or all part of God’s plan, so she could help people by writing the essay.

My own reckoning

Bowler had me hooked with the title of her book, because I’ve experienced my own reckoning with “everything happens for a reason.”

For me, it all fell apart after I was raped when I was 22. A stranger sexually assaulted me as I finished a run in a park in Paris.

The questions arose almost immediately.

Why? Why me? How could God let this happen to me—to anyone? And what could possibly be the reason?

I wrestled with these questions until I came up with an answer that fit for me at that time in my life. God allowed this to happen so that I would turn to God, seek to follow God, and to be in relationship with Him.

Writing those words now feels like I’m writing in a foreign language.

Describing my 22-year-old self’s answer to “everything happens for a reason” was one of the most challenging parts of writing my book because it felt like a different person was saying those words.

I am no longer who I was then.

My understanding of God is light years away from a God who would allow something horrible to happen to me in order for me to desire to come closer to God.

And the God I believe in now is not a He.

I stopped asking “Why?” or searching for answers to the question long ago. A reason for chronic back pain that no doctor can explain? A reason for being raped at 22? A reason for my brother-in-law dying at 40, leaving behind three children under the age of 3? A reason for a close friend dying of breast cancer at 38?

In one of the passages from Everything Happens for a Reason that resonated deeply with me, Bowler writes, “Plans are made. Plans come apart. New delights or tragedies pop up in their place. And nothing human or divine will map out this life, this life that has been more painful than I could have imagined. More beautiful than I could have imagined.”

I don’t know the answer to “Why?” There is no explanation—nothing that makes sense to me, at least. So, I’ve given up the need to keep searching. Life is a mystery. It is messy and complex and painful and beautiful. There will be grief, suffering, and tears—and joy, ecstasy, and laughter. All I can do is try my best to live with my hands wide open, rather than fists clenched, and take it all in.

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