I’ve seen the Barbie movie twice. (Don’t worry, no major spoilers ahead.)
Like most women, my history with Barbie is complicated.
Yes, my younger sisters and I had a drawer-full of Barbies and Barbie clothes—and a few stray heads and arms. We probably had a Ken, although I honestly don’t remember. Our Barbies had a car. They did not, much to our disappointment, have a Barbie Dream House.
I don’t remember what our play with Barbie was like. Whether our Barbies had jobs or boyfriends or families. Knowing me, they probably spent a lot of time at school.
I wasn’t obsessed with Barbie. It was just another doll, one among many.
As a young adult, my eyes were opened to the negative aspects of Barbie. Her out-of-proportion proportions and the unrealistic expectations about women’s bodies that she projected.
At twenty-two, I went to France to nanny for a six-year-old.
She was obsessed with Barbie.
On Wednesdays—a day she didn’t have school—we dressed and undressed Barbies for hours. Got them ready for various balls and picnics. (There were no Kens.)
Many days, I wanted to throw the Barbies out the window. When I tried to steer our play to something else—a book, a game, coloring, anything but Barbie—I was shut down. The six-year-old always won.
By the end of our year together, I’d grown up. Become less of a child with her, letting her choose what to play without pushback from me. I still disliked Barbie, but I’d come to accept her presence.
I didn’t wear Barbie pink (or any other shade of pink) to the movie. I went as someone curious to see what Greta Gerwig would do with Barbie (I loved her 2019 adaptation of Little Women)—and what Mattel might have let her get away with.
I enjoyed the movie, in all its pink, layered, and funny complexity. I loved the set designs, the costumes, and the diversity of Barbies (and Kens). It was entertaining.
And there was one scene—a blip of a moment, less than a minute—that spoke volumes and got me thinking.
Barbie sits on a bench next to an older woman. She turns to the woman and says, “You’re so beautiful.”
The woman replies, “I know!”
Articles about this scene (here and here) explain Gerwig’s vision of it, and identify the actress playing the older woman (Ann Roth, an Oscar-winning costume designer who was 91 when the scene was shot).
Why did this scene resonate with me so deeply?
I saw it as a spiritual moment for Barbie and the woman.
I imagined myself as Barbie, noticing the beauty of the older woman.
I imagined myself as the older woman, who didn’t need Barbie—or anyone else—to tell her she was beautiful. She knew it already.
I imagined what it would be like if we were all (regardless of our gender identity) Barbie and the older woman. If we all noticed the beauty of those around us, and recognized our own innate beauty.
I try to imagine God—or perhaps it makes sense to name God the Divine Mother in this instance—in this way. (Even though I don’t like to anthropomorphize God…it’s complicated. But stick with me for a minute.) The Divine Mother surrounds me with love and light. Tells me I am beautiful, just as I am.
Recognizing our own inner beauty can be hard. Not all of us have what the ability to say “I know!” as readily as the woman did. We need others to hold up a mirror and help us see ourselves as beautiful.
As a spiritual director / companion, I strive to show up for others in this way. Without judgment. Listen deeply. Reflect back the beauty I see in those I’m sitting with—even when they can’t see it in themselves. Recognize their gifts. Acknowledge the importance of their being in the world, just by BE-ing. Help them see with new eyes.
“I know!” might not be my instinctual response if Barbie sat next to me and declared I was beautiful. I’m a work in progress, like everyone else. But I’m grateful for those—including spiritual directors—who have held a mirror and helped me see my own beauty, inside and out.
I currently offer spiritual direction sessions over Zoom. Contact me here if you’re interested in scheduling a FREE initial session to explore whether spiritual companionship is right for you. (For ethical reasons, I don’t offer spiritual direction to family or close friends. But I will gladly accept referrals of anyone you know who might be interested in spiritual direction.)
If you want deep dive critiques of the Barbie movie, check out these podcast episodes from Vibe Check and Pop Culture Happy Hour (here and here).
Have you seen the Barbie movie? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below or connect with me on social media.
